Frederickville’s Upcoming 75th Anniversary Celebration Overshadowed by Mutant Ant Reports

FREDERICKVILLE GAZETTE EXCLUSIVE

Frederickville, USA – The Upcoming 75th Anniversary Celebration this weekend has been on the forefront of Mayor Rica Charles’s agenda for nearly a year. Until today.

‘First a gang of frogs looting Southtown,’ she told this reporter. ‘Then those Amphibimen. Now giant ants? Isn’t being concerned with fireworks, Port-Y-Pots, and the weather enough?’

Her eyes move to a large poster on the wall, advertising the weekend’s festivities: the ceremony in the Town Square on Saturday, the weekend-long events in Frederickville Park, and the Masked Gala Saturday night at Frederickville University’s Main Campus. She says she has overseen every step of the Celebration’s development.

‘I’m very proud of what we as a community have accomplished here,’ Charles said. ‘This is a time to be proud of our city, and to remember how it all began.’

What was also hoped to be a boon for the local economy has been overshadowed by the testimony of Thed Avedi, a Receiver at the Frederickville Supermarket. He claims that he was assaulted by a number of giant ants while performing his duties.

‘I was out in back of the store, organizing palettes for return. Out of nowhere FOOT TALL ANTS came running at me! I barely got inside and shut the back door in time. There must have been six or seven of them. I could hear them pounding on the door for a few minutes, then one must have managed to climb up to the window. It glared at me for a moment, then dropped back down.’

A cursory exam by Frederickville Marshal Bill Mavrick behind the store showed no evidence of the giant ants later that day. Still, Mavrick isn’t ready to dismiss Avedi’s claim.

‘We’ve already had reports of mutant ants pillaging in the residential section of Southtown,’ Mavrick said. ‘This is the first report I’ve had of this kind of activity in Westtown.’

After a moment, he added, ‘This would be a good time for those Amphibimen to make an appearance. This isn’t really in my job description.’

Mayor Charles agrees. ‘We’ve hired a second Animal Control officer to deal with this situation,’ she said. ‘The safety of Frederickville’s citizens is our highest priority.’

And as to her other major priority?

‘The Anniversary Celebrations will go on as planned,’ she declared. ‘Who knows? Maybe we can tap into the cryptozoology crowd, and attract more visitors to town.’

She smiled, and added, ‘Sometimes, any publicity will do.’

– Erik J. Nielsen, Staff Reporter

“J.F.B.” – K. Torp

One response to “Frederickville’s Upcoming 75th Anniversary Celebration Overshadowed by Mutant Ant Reports”

  1. Ambreen Esmail

    ha…The Giant ants will be all over the festival. Mayor Rica better ask the Amphibimen nicely..She needs all the help she can get. but with that kind of attitude…The ants would be doing the city a favor if they carry her away…

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